Husband chastises wife for turning down a job that pays $85k for fewer hours, doesn't understand why she wants to stay at her current position making $65k: 'My wife is constantly stressed about working and juggling two kids'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 11, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

The reasons we like our jobs can be mysterious. There is a constellation of factors that go into whether or not we're going to like a job. It's not all about title and money. Maybe our commute time perfectly matches up with the length of our favorite podcast. Maybe there's a really good coffee shop next door and you started to become friends with the barista. Maybe your manager really understands your value and is good at lifting you up. Maybe you like your desk and feel weirdly at home at it. Maybe they cater lunch every day and you get to try new restaurants in the area. 

There is so much that goes into your experience of a job, and it can be hard to explain to others. Not to mention, it's easy to get attached to something. Maybe there is other turmoil in your life so the thought of changing jobs is too much to bear. All to say, it's not always 100% about money.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA. Wife turned down dream job with a better schedule and higher salary.

    Background information. I am (30m) teacher (Currently in Graduate school to pursue being a principal), my wife (29f) a physical therapist. We have Two kids aged 3.5 and 2, Both were adopted. Wife currently works at a non profit as a PT. Last August she turned down a PT job at a
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10515996672
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what one husband didn't understand when his wife turned down a position that seemed better on paper. He started to resent how much she was gone, and the fact that she passed up something that looked better to him. But ultimately, it was her decision. Read on for the story.

  • 03
    local school district that would have paid her 30% more than she currently brings home, currently brings home 65k could've made 85k. Her current job gives two weeks vacation and covers part of her insurance premium. They do not offer any retirement matching. She currently works 40 hrs a week, Monday-Friday, on
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 04
    Fridays she works as a pediatric PT as a 1099 employee and claims to enjoy it.The school job would've covered her entire health insurance premium monthly and also offered a pension plan. The school jobs schedule would have been 8:30am-3pm Monday-Thursday. With holidays breaks and
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 05
    summers off just like a teachers schedule. She would have had all of the same breaks that I do as a teacher, I currently work at this same district that the job was at.
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 06
    Before everyone attacks me, I am very familiar with how this job is. Her best friend wound up taking the position after she declined. I see her friend at my building sometimes rolling in close to 9 AM to start the day. I do realize that most of the patients she would see are on an IEP. But
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 07
    considering she sees patients now that are also difficult I am just super puzzled on the decision. One last thing, I have also gotten a weird feeling about her infatuation with her boss at her current job. He is married and has kids, seems like a nice guy. Ive never thought he seemed flirty towards her when Ive been around, but she does seem to hold him in such high esteem almost in a strange way. He is about 10-12 years older than both of us.
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 08
    Long story short, she turned down that job because she claimed she wouldn't enjoy that type of environment for doing PT work. Here's the part I really struggle with: My wife is constantly stressed about working and juggling two kids, we are getting close to being financially able for her to work part time. However, she is
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 09
    constantly negative and very critical of me and others. We have to walk on eggshells around her. Any time we have an argument about chores or other household duties, she immediately attacks me with "you have more time off so you should do them all". I agree, I do have more time off. I enjoy my
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 10
    schedule that allows me to be with my family more. I was previously in sales working weekends sometimes until 10pm often before having kids. I probably do about 95% of the dishes and cleaning and 70% of the laundry. I also do our finances and grocery store runs. I pick up the kids from daycare and drop
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 11
    them off frequently. Any time we get into an argument I really have to bite my tongue about her complaining about not having any free time, when she turned down that job, in my mind she forfeited the right to complain about not having free time. AITA?
    via u/GlassFalcon1249
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10515996928
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13

    Commenters tried to understand what was really going on here.

    Reddit Creeper2801 · 12h ago . She claimed she wouldn't enjoy that type of environment for pt work. You have your answer. Why are you not accepting it? She doesn't want to work in that environment. I'm not understanding the problem, it's kinda her decision I think you have other issues you need to be focusing on in your marriage.
    via u/RedditCreeper2801
  • 14
    HotAndShrimpy · 12h ago NAH. This is probably more complicated than how you describe it. Your wife did a lot of schooling for her occupation and may have real concerns or reasons for her not wanting that job. I
    via u/HotAndShrimpy
  • 15
    think there could be other solutions in her life for her stress level. You two should talk about it and approach solutions as a team. You saying "I told you so" is not really going to help.
    via u/HotAndShrimpy
  • 16
    OptimistSometimes 12h ago • Being a PT at a school is worlds different than being a PT in private practice or for a non profit. I know plenty of OTS/PTS/SLPs that prefer one environment or the other. They're not really interchangeable positions in my book.
    via u/OptimistSometimes
  • 17
    AellaReeves • 12h ago Just because it was a dream job in your mind, doesn't mean it was a dream job for her. It may have been more stress on her or a million different other things. Yes it could have given her more free time but at a price of other things. Maybe you both need to sit down and talk instead of aurging back and forth and wanting to throw things in eachothers faces.
    via u/AellaReeves
  • 18
    EmuRemarkable1... . 12h ago Working in the school system as a PT is extremely different than other PT settings. Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable with that? I'm a PT and I absolutely wouldn't be confident in that (or any peds position)
    via u/EmuRemarkable1099
  • 19
    Cicity545 - 12h ago There are obviously more issues here, but about the job specifically, you are YTA. Let's say you got a job offer for better pay and hours, but it is teaching at a technical college, and you teach elementary school and you
    via u/Cicity545
  • 20
    want to continue teaching elementary school. So you turn that job down. Would that mean that you have completely forfeited the right to complain about bad days at work at your current job or feeling stress and pressure about work and family life, etc.? That would be ridiculous for you to be held to that standard, and it is ridiculous for you to hold anyone else to that standard.
    via u/Cicity545
  • 21
    The other stuff about splitting the home responsibilities or feeling like you are walking on eggshells around her, there are other things going on that you guys need to have discussions about, but strictly on whether or not she's allowed to complain about her job, you are in the wrong there.
    via u/Cicity545
  • 22
    Something-bothe... . 12h ago Ok, this is kind of a big deal. I'm not sure that an AITA is going to be helpful. For what it matters, you are not an AH but you do have a sizeable problem and it's the kind of problem that can lead to significant resentment. NTA
    via u/Something-bothersome
  • 23
    • Aggressive_Cup8... 12h ago I don't see why you should bite your tongue. If she gets to complain then you also get to complain. Put this subject on the table and discuss it.. and complain about it. It sounds like you're already building some resentment due to her choice to work longer for less money. Don't let it fester.
    via u/Aggressive_Cup8452
  • 24
    Logical-Answer21... 12h ago Working in a school is not for everyone, I would never ever want to work in a school and I would not want to work with kids, or dealing with their parents.
    via u/Logical-Answer2183
  • 25
    IF you have such a manageable schedule and time for chores why are you having arguments. This isn't about her having a more manageable job it's about your home life and she just isn't admitting it to you yet.
    via u/Logical-Answer2183
  • 26
    amygdalashamyg... • 12h ago YTA I worked in a school as a non-educator and there is no amount of money that could get me to ever return to that environment
    via u/amygdalashamygdala
  • 27
    Electrical-Damag... • 12h ago Ehh I think there may be some bigger issues at play here. I would try to find out why she turned it down, seems like a no brainer to accept and spend more time with the fam
    via u/Electrical-Damag233

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage relationship status relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships story job search reddit thread Reddit healthy relationship employment
Scroll Down For The Next Article